Until recently, I was knitting for pleasure, or knitting to challenge myself, while making garments, soft toys, blankets, socks, lots of socks… I have now discovered two new purposes for knitting: knitting to forget, and knitting to remember.
I have knitted about 5000 meters since my little boy has become my little star. Mostly fingering weight, and some lace too. As I am trying to reflect on these past weeks to find something sensible to share with you, I think it is fair to say that this quite a bit of knitting…
With some of the projects, I have tried to keep my brain busy from over-processing the devastating events, mostly by finishing challenging patterns. It is such a nice feeling, if only for a few seconds, to have this sense of achievement. For instance, do you remember the toddler jacket that looked more like a rug? It has become this well loved jacket (design page). These stranded socks (remarkably well fitting with clever calf shaping – design page here) I had started in July last year. And these stripey ones only needed to be lengthened by an inch, as I had been a little too eager to cast off and to call them done… and they were too small:
On the other hand, at other times, I have picked up projects to remember, when I let my brain wander…
First, there are these socks (design page), which I had started when all was still well. I remember I was knitting on the heel flap of sock #2 when I went to the hospital for a quick check some time ago… and which I picked up again at the same hospital, trying to focus on the stripes with a little star by my side.
Then there is the Radiance shawl (design page), which I decided to cast on at the hospital. I got the pattern as a gift from the designer for having participated in a knit-along for her Twinkle Twinkle Blanket design. A blanket very dear to me, as it is wrapping my little star… In return, I will wrap myself into this shawl when I finish it. The yarn is called “Angel”, it is perfect. It will be soft and comforting, and light as a feather. Radiance comes from twinkling stars, right?
Finally, just off my needles are these socks, with very special buttons. This design was Round 4 of the Socks Madness competition (when an international and friendly bunch of knitters gather online and get challenged to knit crazy sock designs in no time). I didn’t participate this year, but had planned to knit along at a slower pace. I had picked the buttons a while ago, when the “supply list” was released, with the intent to make our baby a “matching” cardigan. Well, my plans changed, and I decided to knit the socks anyway, and add little stars to them…
Yes, my hands have been busy, and my brain even more so. Trying to keep focused at crafting things has been very helpful so far I think. I say crafting, because I have not only been knitting, but also sewing a bunch of things which I may show you some day.
Trying to find some meaning in life. One stitch at a time.
Almost two months have passed now since our heart broke, and we are trying to put our life together, with the memory of our little star in our heart.
Our first son has just turned two, and has been splashing and swimming for a year and a half with the WaterBabies. Every year, WaterBabies organises a “splashathon” to raise money for Tommy’s, a charity which aims at funding research into stillbirth, premature birth and miscarriage. We have all heard about babies born too early, but how many of us knew that babies like our little star could be born too late?
This year, the Splashathon will have a very special meaning to us, as our “big boy” will be splashing and swimming in memory of his little brother. The swimming classes are always organised around songs, and we are sure to sing the last one with a heavy heart, as the last song is always “Twinkle twinkle little star”.
I would be very grateful if some of you would like to sponsor our toddler’s splashes, which will take place during the week of June 17th. Our sponsorship page can be found here.
Thank you very much for your support.